I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
