i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
