He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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