you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
