she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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