11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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