i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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