she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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