My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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