$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
