does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
