you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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