Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
