can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
