I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
