I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize