You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
