Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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