dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
