imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
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