Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
