last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
