when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."