It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
