I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
