I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
