You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid