woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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