At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
