Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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