could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
