tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is Oprah even human
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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