Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
