I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
