the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
