I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
