im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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