My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
