No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
