At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You can't just leave with hair like that
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And then he peed in my hair
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