my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
