i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
