Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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