I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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