I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
