Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there was a trapeze. enough said
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
