he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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