Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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