mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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