dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
