While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
