that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
