so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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