My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
