i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
