The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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