so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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