My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
