I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
nutella sex= disaster
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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