Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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