I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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