You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
