Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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