We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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