dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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