mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
