using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
