i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
