The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
