I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
