So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
