Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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