youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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