i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
