Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
