i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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