Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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