and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
