woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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