Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
