so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
are you so shy because you have an std?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
