ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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