When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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