I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
